Dr Eleanor Wilkinson - Desperately seeking anyone? Compulsory coupledom and single existence

Date: 30 November 2011, 4.00pm
Location: Beech Grove House

Centre for Interdisciplinary Gender Studies Internal Seminar Series

Title: Desperately seeking anyone? Compulsory coupledom and single existence, Dr Eleanor Wilkinson, School of Geography, University of Leeds

Abstract

The boundaries and markers of romantic love in UK society have shifted considerably in recent decades. Most notable is the way that the heterosexual-couple is no longer always seen as the only measure of ‘appropriate’ intimacy, something demonstrated by the increasing state recognition that has been granted to same-sex partnerships. Yet although it may appear that we have slightly more choices about who and how we love, there is still an underlying assumption that everyone desires to be in some form of romantic relationship. Perhaps then, increasingly it may not matter so much who we love, only that we love. This paper therefore questions if we are ever free to reject romantic love. Building upon Rich's (1980) notion of compulsory heterosexuality, and Ingraham's (1996) concept of 'the heterosexual imaginary', I suggest that what we are currently witnessing in the UK is not compulsory heterosexuality but compulsory coupledom.

This paper accordingly examines some the constraints and pressures felt by those who are seeking to live outside of normative notions of romantic love. It explores some of pressures faced by those who are not part of a romantic couple, drawing primarily upon interview data with people who either describe themselves as not sexually desiring, not romantically desiring, single by choice, or place friendship as equal to or above their romantic relationships. The paper concludes by examining some of the queer potentialities of singleness, and asks whether it is possible to claim the solitary figure as a potential site of queer resistance.